why i started

  preliminary Sunrise at the beach for me is place where i have my conversations with god A time place where where the window of communion with the Devine  opens a little wider and an  opportunity for communication presents itself. I am not sure if I am jumping into this religious rabbit hole from which I will never  extract myself? What have I too  loss? Small steps of logic  lead me to a place I can no longer see from where I came. I am at the beach now.  Sunrise is in 20 minutes. A couple of spots of rouge on the horizon. Black storm clouds over head. Like the moth drawn to the flame that will consume it,  I choose the horizons like Pegasus I choose to step through the window and see.  I put one leg though the window. I fear putting my torso through.  His presence is strong.  He  holds the  window open. The dots of rouge are gone while the clouds remain. Until I am ready to step through the window which you hold open I am no better then a recruit that promises to enlist an will not

    Love thy neighbor as thyself. And thyself as thy neighbor.            227/2021 - 1 year later I rewrote some entries to document changes. I would like to think that there is less                             emotional regurgitating of doctrine and  a more authentic communication. . I feel instead of creating stories to tell others that I begin the practice  only having stories for God's ears. This is not a practice of avoidance. Nor is it an act of selfishness but of service. I see it as  a way forward in my life.  I choose to live my life as  a practice of God first. Doing so answers the question, "With what will I fill my heart.*          27/2021 My story's define me and bind me. For that security I surrender my freedom. BAD DEAL!! As for                                    story's for Gods ears? Me bitching or blaming God for my mess will not change anything. But me                                  t alking with, surrendering to open doors  to a more compassionat

When I ask myself, "what is in my heart?"  I also ask  "what  is in my heart do I not want?" Those that are no longer welcome are like  or squatters  I once invited in. But have long overstayed their welcome and believe they to the the rightful owners of the space they occupies Stories are the doors I opened and through which they entered. They come less frequently. Or find another tunnel into the castle Or enter like smiling trojan horses How did they enter? What belief or needs invited them? Feel it! Be with it! Release it  the tunnel closes the masks fall away the need lessens  vigilance  impeccability there are no small choices this is  binary but the tide recedes slowly as i let go of beliefs. I no longer need.

By stepping into the heart   I Stand in Love I recognise the beauty of the sunrise. To its source I give thanks. And ask, "Who am I?". And He speaks to me  I am the birthing of the new days sun . " To Me thee will give thanks. In your gratitude I will meet you." As I do more work on myself,  I feel more the of agenda is being  set by the Divine. Only   He knows what path is right for me.  And though the sequence might not   seem  right or the most expedient to me,  only he knows what i need to do to navigate His path. It is egotistical to think differently.   Where is this going? What am I missing?  First answer  If i see beauty outside then why am I  unable to "see" my beauty within and use that to open the door to my own inner  divinity? Lesson 189 from the course in miracles  that says, "I feel the love of God within me now." As a seeker I feel the path of the seeker is difficult and arduous, like walking the knife edge of a high mountain peak

  "Stand in love".  This phrase has power for me.  Symbolically, By stepping  into the heart,  Spiritually, and emotionally  I enter a space of love. In the heart   I write  The first letter of ,  each daughter's name, "A" and "E". They are in my heart as they are everyday.  Today, together, again,  WE stand in Love.

  Help me to walk the path you put before me so I can live the purpose you gave me.

  I got home  my boots  were wet  my heart was full the smile of a child on my face The collapsing waves washing me with a salty mist Sprinkling me with water droplets before I can make my  retreat.  Pebbles being thrown up at me. The child inside is being reborn With  the baptism by the sea