12/28/2020

 

preliminary

Sunrise at the beach for me is place where i have my conversations with god

A time place where where the window of communion with the Devine  opens a little wider and an  opportunity for communication presents itself. I am not sure if I am jumping into this religious rabbit hole from which I will never  extract myself? What have I too  loss? Small steps of logic  lead me to a place I can no longer see from where I came. I am at the beach now.  Sunrise is in 20 minutes. A couple of spots of rouge on the horizon. Black storm clouds over head. Like the moth drawn to the flame that will consume it,  I choose the horizons like Pegasus I choose to step through the window and see. 

I put one leg though the window. I fear putting my torso through.  His presence is strong.  He  holds the  window open. The dots of rouge are gone while the clouds remain. Until I am ready to step through the window which you hold open I am no better then a recruit that promises to enlist an will not sign on the dotted line. The last hint of the rising suns rouge is gone and I am left with a cloudy day.

I had always assumed the window was  in my room and I was stepping out of my room into his world. But maybe I am on the outside of his house and he was opening the window so I could enter his house. The magnitude of my screw up sobers me.

Writings of believing  in you  and not accepting your invite to enter your house speaks to the weakness of my faith. I ask your forgiveness for squandering of your gift. Help me to release that which undermines my faith and trust in you.Amen

Would I put aside everything to be with You? Would you help me?

With what I fill my heart is what I will share with the world!

With what I fill my hear tis what will give to the world!